Do you ever just have one of those days? You know, where your car cylinder spits out the spark plug so you are stuck on the side of the road? Both times it happened to me, I couldn’t have been happier for the chance to practice just being in the now. I wasn’t stressed. Tired, maybe. Not sure where the money was coming from. But grateful, for sure.
The first time was a couple of weeks ago. I was driving back to Seattle from Vegas, after a short visit in Utah. I made it all the way to North Bend, WA. I was almost there when my car suddenly sounded like a lawn mower. I pulled over and immediately knew I needed a tow truck. Wires were ripped, brackets broken and a sparkplug on top of the engine. Did not look good.
I made several phone calls, each helpful and leading to the next call. With confirmation that a tow truck was on its way, the waiting game began. I took that time to stand in the sun and thank the universe for all my blessings given and coming. It made for a happy wait.
Randy, the tow truck driver, was amazing! He was friendly and extremely helpful. He took one look at my engine and knew immediately he could fix it. Which he did! He also shared war stories and how he lost a finger. I hugged him twice! As I was leaving he waived and called out “Now, you are that much closer to Spain!”
Yes! I’m heading to Spain on Monday for two months. And I certainly needed my car to make some money. Especially since I’ve been delivering food. It was my “delivering food to eat food” plan. And with Randy’s help, I was off to a good start.
I also want to point out that I did not suffer from anxiety. Nor did I suffer from worry or negative thoughts. I was in the flow of life. And I couldn’t be happier. With that being said, I was very aware of how little was in my bank account.
My practice is viewing everything as an opportunity to gather information and grow. This has been a game changer. And it has changed my relationship with myself and how I suffer.
“The goodness of suffering is something real. Without suffering there cannot be happiness. Without mud there cannot be any lotus flowers. So if you know how to suffer, suffering is OK. And the moment you have that attitude, you don’t suffer much anymore. And out of suffering, a lotus flower of happiness can open.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh
When I think of suffering, I think about my grandpa who passed away one year ago, today. It was sudden and unexpected. His body was attacked by gangrene after an open-heart surgery. He had to have limbs amputated. Although he worked hard in recovery, and despite his positive attitude and great effort, he surrendered to the suffering and quickly began his soul adventure. It only took a few days. It was difficult and beautiful to witness.
It wasn’t that long ago I, too, was suffering. Thankfully not from gangrene or open-heart surgery. But it did involve my heart. I was heart-broken and I was in a downward spiral of attachment, abandonment and sorrow. I saw no way out. I wanted my suffering to end. And as hard as I tried, I could not seem to control the suffering. I felt as though I had to surrender.
In surrendering to my suffering, I dug deep into myself. This released blocked energy and I began healing generational wounds. Everything has more meaning to me and every moment counts. So how did I surrender? How did I work with the pain? And most intriguing, how did this healing drive me to Spain? Well, it’s been a long and on-going process that I am currently writing a book about. So, stay tuned. However, what I will share is in December, before I left Arizona to head to Seattle to get my tabs renewed and begin healing, I fatefully met someone who would help transform my life and give me hope. She gave me 6 months to get my life together and open up my chakras. Then I would meet her in Barcelona, where she would train me to become a Kundalini Yoga Instructor.
“Kundalini is the term for a “spiritual energy or life force located at the base of the spine, conceptualized as a coiled-up serpent.” The practice of Kundalini yoga is supposed to arouse the sleeping Kundalini Shakti from its coiled base through the 6 chakras, and penetrate the 7th chakra, or crown”
My healing these last 6 months included:
• 10 weeks of Muay Thai Kickboxing
• Hundreds of sun salutations
• New Moon and Full Moon Rituals
• Crying, weeping really, on my yoga mat
• Deep, meaningful and vulnerable conversations
• Lots and lots of pushups
• Meditation, mantras, pradas, chanting and drumming
• Writing chapters upon chapters
• Creating art
• Walking barefoot in the desert
• Connecting with my breath
• So much more…again, stay tuned for a book…or three!
One of the most therapeutic and beautiful ways I worked through my suffering was creating art. What I thought would be dark and painful turned out to be my “light and love” series.
A few days ago, I found myself, once again, on the side of the road with a spark plug ejected from the engine with a little more damage than before. It wiped out half of my savings, which wasn’t much to begin with. As I stood on the side of the road gathering information and looking for opportunities to grow, I saw how I manifested this. All of it really.
I wanted to fall in love. I did. I wanted to understand my triggers. I was triggered. A lot. I gathered information each time. I used to say, “I have to learn the hard way” and “I have to hit rock bottom to really grow”. Manifested the fuck out of those two statements. I now say “I am worthy of giving and receiving love” and “the whole universe is on my side”. Manifesting that now! I wanted to continue my spiritual journey and become a yoga instructor. That is happening. The universe brought the people I needed in my life to make that happen. And I wanted to experience life with bare minimum so that I could fully trust the universe. I manifested my car problems and ultimately minimal money. I do trust the universe. I trust myself. I also know life doesn’t have to be hard anymore. So, when I return from Spain I will be putting my art up for sale. Maybe some of you would like to support me on my quest to becoming the best version of myself while I still have time on this earth.
I want to open up my crown chakra. I want to arouse the sleeping Kundalini Shakti. I want to understand how I move energy. I want to understand deeper who I am and claim my healing powers. I want to love deeply and vulnerably. I want to learn to grow dirt. I want to talk to trees. I am a student of this earth and my connection to my soul and source are strong.
My grandpa would be proud of how I am living my life and the continual steps I take.
I will catch up with all of you when I return. Enjoy your summer and connection with your breath.
Love and Hugs, Adventure Mel